If you grew up Black and autistic, chances are you learned to mask before you even knew what autism was. You may not have had the words for it, but you knew there were rules, unspoken expectations about how you were supposed to act, speak, and exist in the world.
Maybe you were the “quiet” one who kept to yourself to avoid trouble. Maybe you were the “talkative” one who studied how others spoke and copied their tone to fit in. Maybe you forced yourself to smile when you didn’t feel like it, stayed still when your body wanted to move, or held in meltdowns until you were alone.
This wasn’t just about “fitting in.” For many of us, masking was about survival.
What Is Masking?
Masking is when autistic people suppress or change their natural behaviors to meet social expectations. It can look like:
- Forcing eye contact even when it feels uncomfortable
- Hiding stimming (rocking, tapping, fidgeting) to avoid judgment
- Using scripts in conversations instead of speaking naturally
- Laughing along with jokes we don’t get
- Copying facial expressions, tone, or slang to blend in
- Pushing through sensory discomfort instead of speaking up
Autistic people of all backgrounds mask, but for Black autistic individuals, masking often isn’t a choice. It is a survival tactic shaped by culture, racism, and societal expectations.
Why Black Autistic Kids Had to Mask More
Autism is underdiagnosed in Black communities, and many of us were never given the language to understand our neurodivergence. Instead of support, we got labels like:
- “Difficult”
- “Disrespectful”
- “Too sensitive”
- “Too quiet”
- “Too much”
Growing up Black, there was no room for error. Many of us were taught early that if we stood out too much, we would be punished, excluded, or put in danger.
Here’s why so many of us had to mask:
1. Respectability Politics and the Pressure to “Act Right”
In many Black families, survival meant presenting yourself in a way that kept you safe from racism. That meant:
- Speaking “properly” so people wouldn’t assume you were uneducated
- Controlling emotions because “Black kids don’t get to have meltdowns”
- Acting polite and agreeable, even when you were uncomfortable
Many of us were taught to code-switch before we even knew what that meant. We had to hide anything that made us seem “different” because standing out was seen as risky.
2. The Consequences of Being “Different”
Black kids are punished more harshly than white kids for the same behaviors. If a Black autistic child struggled with authority, questioned a rule, or had a meltdown, they were more likely to be:
- Labeled as “defiant” instead of autistic
- Suspended or expelled from school
- Treated as a problem instead of someone needing support
This wasn’t just about social acceptance. It was about avoiding harm.
3. Masking to Protect Our Families
Many of us learned to mask to avoid bringing stress to our families. Black parents already had to fight against stereotypes that painted them as bad parents. Having a neurodivergent child meant dealing with teachers, doctors, and family members who blamed them for our differences.
So we stayed quiet. We hid our struggles. We learned that our needs were less important than keeping the peace.
The Cost of a Lifetime of Masking
Masking for survival works… until it doesn’t.
The more we suppress who we are, the more we lose touch with ourselves. Long-term masking can lead to:
- Autistic burnout (mental and physical exhaustion from constantly pretending)
- Anxiety and depression from feeling like we can never be our true selves
- Identity confusion because we don’t know where the mask ends and we begin
Many of us reach adulthood feeling lost, exhausted, and disconnected from our true selves.
How Do We Start Unmasking Safely?
Unmasking doesn’t mean throwing away all the strategies that helped you survive. It means choosing where, when, and how to let more of your true self be seen.
Here are some ways to start:
- Identify your safe spaces. Who are the people and places where you feel comfortable being yourself? Start there.
- Reconnect with your natural behaviors. If you’ve suppressed stimming, social habits, or personal preferences, experiment with bringing them back in small ways.
- Challenge the fear of being “too much.” You are not too much. You were in spaces that made you feel like you were.
- Give yourself permission to exist as you are. You don’t have to explain or justify your neurodivergence.
Some of us will always need to mask in certain environments. But we deserve to have places where we don’t have to.
If masking was your survival tool, that doesn’t mean you were wrong for doing it. It means you did what you had to do. But now, you deserve the chance to figure out who you are without fear, without shame, and without the weight of other people’s expectations.
As always… take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and know that you are not alone in this journey.