If you constantly feel drained after social interactions, even with people you love, you’re not alone.
✔ You might spend hours masking, code-switching, and monitoring your tone and expressions to avoid being misunderstood.
✔ You might feel pressure to be the “nice” one, the “helpful” one, or the “strong” one.
✔ You might feel guilty for saying no or needing space.
This is social exhaustion and for Black autistic people, it’s often worse because of the cultural expectation to always “show up” for others.
Why Social Exhaustion Hits So Hard
✔ We’ve Been Taught to Prioritize Others Over Ourselves
- Many of us were raised to believe that being too quiet, too distant, or too “selfish” makes us bad friends, family members, or partners.
- Saying no or setting boundaries can feel wrong, even when we desperately need rest.
✔ Masking & Code-Switching Are Exhausting
- In every interaction, we may be monitoring our words, adjusting our body language, and forcing ourselves to engage… even when we don’t have the energy.
- This constant effort drains us mentally, emotionally, and physically.
✔ People Expect Us to Be Available All the Time
- Many of us have been the “reliable one,” the “listener,” the “therapist friend”… but who shows up for us?
- If we don’t answer texts right away or cancel plans, people assume something is wrong.
✔ We Struggle to Say No Without Guilt
- People-pleasing isn’t just about avoiding conflict… it’s about feeling safe and accepted.
- We might go along with things we don’t want to do because we fear rejection or disappointing others.
How to Reduce Social Exhaustion & Set Boundaries
✔ Step 1: Identify What’s Draining You
- Do you get drained by small talk, crowded spaces, or back-to-back plans?
- Noticing patterns helps you plan recovery time in advance.
✔ Step 2: Set Boundaries Around Your Social Energy
- You don’t owe people constant access to you.
- Examples:
- “I can’t talk right now, but I’ll check in later.”
- “I need some time to recharge before our next hangout.”
✔ Step 3: Give Yourself Permission to Rest
- You don’t have to push through exhaustion just to keep others happy.
- Taking breaks, canceling plans, and needing alone time are not selfish.
✔ Step 4: Let Go of the Need to “Fix” Others
- You can be supportive without being someone’s emotional caretaker.
- If people rely on you for everything but don’t check in on you, it’s okay to step back.
✔ Step 5: Choose Relationships That Feel Restorative, Not Draining
- Some people leave you feeling energized, safe, and accepted. Others leave you feeling tired, unseen, or obligated.
- Spend more time with the people who respect your boundaries… not the ones who drain you.
Social exhaustion is real, and you don’t have to apologize for needing time to recharge.
Your peace matters. Your energy matters. And you are allowed to set boundaries without guilt.
As always… take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and know that you are not alone in this journey. ❤