For many of us, masking wasn’t a choice… it was survival.
✔ We learned to hide our stims, force eye contact, and soften our tone to avoid being labeled as rude or difficult.
✔ We code-switched, adjusted our body language, and played along in social situations… even when it drained us.
✔ We became so used to performing a version of ourselves that we lost sight of who we actually are.
But masking has consequences. The longer we suppress our true selves, the more exhausted, disconnected, and burnt out we become.
Unmasking doesn’t happen overnight, but learning to undo survival behaviors and embrace who you are is one of the most freeing things you can do.
Why We Learned to Mask
✔ Survival in White & Neurotypical Spaces
- Many of us were taught early that being “too different” could lead to punishment, exclusion, or even danger.
- To stay safe, we learned to blend in, suppress our reactions, and ignore our instincts.
✔ Cultural & Family Expectations
- Black communities often emphasize strength, resilience, and keeping emotions in check.
- Expressing distress, needing accommodations, or setting boundaries was seen as weakness… so we learned to push through.
✔ Masking Became Second Nature
- Over time, masking wasn’t just about hiding autism… it became automatic.
- Many of us struggle to know who we are underneath the layers of performance.
How to Start Unmasking
✔ Step 1: Identify Your Masking Behaviors
- Ask yourself: What do I do to “blend in” or avoid standing out?
- Some common masking behaviors include:
- Forcing eye contact even when it’s uncomfortable.
- Mimicking social behaviors instead of doing what feels natural.
- Suppressing stims (not rocking, not fidgeting, holding in expressions).
- Over-explaining or people-pleasing to avoid conflict.
✔ Step 2: Find Safe Spaces to Unmask
- Unmasking doesn’t mean you have to be vulnerable everywhere. Start with spaces where you feel safe and supported.
- This could be:
- Online spaces with other Black autistic folks.
- Close friendships where you don’t have to “perform.”
- Your own home. Giving yourself permission to stim, rest, and be fully yourself.
✔ Step 3: Reintroduce the Things You Suppressed
- If you stopped stimming, dressing how you wanted, or engaging in special interests… try bringing them back.
- Let yourself feel what’s comfortable and what’s not without judgment.
✔ Step 4: Let Go of the Fear of “Getting It Wrong”
- Unmasking means breaking years (or decades) of conditioning.
- There is no “right” way to be yourself. Your comfort, energy, and well-being matter more than how others perceive you.
✔ Step 5: Give Yourself Grace & Rest
- Unmasking can bring a mix of relief and grief.
- You might mourn the time you spent masking, but that wasn’t wasted time, it was survival.
- Healing means learning to exist as you are, without apology.
Masking helped us survive… but we don’t have to live trapped in survival mode.
Your quirks, stims, voice, and energy are yours to reclaim. You are allowed to exist comfortably in your own skin.
As always… take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and know that you are not alone in this journey. ❤