Deciding whether to tell someone you’re autistic can feel complicated.
✔ Will they understand, or will they start treating you differently?
✔ Will it make things easier, or will it open the door to unwanted assumptions?
✔ Will disclosing help you get support, or will it lead to judgment and exclusion?
For Black autistic adults, the choice to disclose often comes with even more layers. We already face bias, racism, and expectations to code-switch. Adding an autism diagnosis into the mix can feel risky.
So how do you decide when, where, and how to disclose your autism or if you should at all? Let’s break it down.
Why Disclosing Autism Feels So Complicated
✔ Fear of Being Dismissed or Invalidated
- Many people still believe outdated stereotypes about autism… especially about what it looks like in Black people.
- You might hear “But you don’t look autistic” or “Everyone’s a little autistic.”
✔ Risk of Being Treated Differently
- Some people might become condescending, overly accommodating, or act like you can’t handle anything.
- Others might start ignoring your contributions or treating you as less capable.
✔ Racism & Ableism Make Disclosure Riskier
- Black autistic people already face bias in workplaces, schools, and relationships.
- If people already see you as “intense” or “too direct,” disclosing might reinforce negative stereotypes.
✔ Fear of Losing Opportunities
- Some workplaces and social spaces are not neurodivergent-friendly.
- You might worry about being denied promotions, excluded from projects, or losing friendships.
But disclosure isn’t all bad. In the right situations, it can bring understanding, accommodations, and a sense of relief. The key is deciding when and how it makes sense for you.
Questions to Ask Yourself Before Disclosing
✔ Why Do I Want to Disclose?
- Is it to get support, accommodations, or understanding?
- Is it to build trust in a relationship or friendship?
- Or is it because you feel pressured to explain yourself?
✔ What Do I Hope to Gain From Disclosing?
- Will this information improve my situation, or does it feel like a risk?
- Do I want validation, community, or a practical change?
✔ Does This Person or Workplace Feel Safe?
- Have they shown respect for neurodivergence in the past?
- Do they react with curiosity and openness, or judgment and dismissal?
✔ What’s My Backup Plan If It Doesn’t Go Well?
- If disclosure leads to negative consequences, do I have support?
- Can I remove myself from the situation or set new boundaries?
How to Disclose in Professional Settings
✔ Option 1: Disclose to Request Accommodations
- If you need workplace accommodations (like flexible hours, written instructions, or noise reduction), you can disclose to HR.
- Keep it brief, professional, and focused on your needs.
- “I’m autistic, which means I process information better in writing. Can we use email instead of verbal instructions?”
- “I experience sensory sensitivity in noisy spaces. Could I use noise-canceling headphones while working?”
✔ Option 2: Disclose Casually to Create Awareness
- If you feel safe, you might mention autism in casual conversation to help normalize neurodivergence.
- “I’m autistic, so I don’t always pick up on subtle cues. Feel free to be direct with me!”
- “I don’t really do small talk, but I love deep conversations about [topic].”
✔ Option 3: Choose Not to Disclose at Work
- If disclosing feels risky, it’s okay to keep it private and use your own strategies.
- Many autistic people use self-accommodations without formal disclosure.
- Using noise-canceling headphones, planning out tasks in advance, or advocating for written instructions without mentioning autism.
How to Disclose in Personal Settings
✔ Option 1: Disclose Early in a Relationship
- If you want someone to know you fully, it might make sense to disclose early on.
- Example: “Just so you know, I’m autistic, which means I communicate a little differently. If something ever seems off, feel free to ask me.”
✔ Option 2: Wait Until It Feels Relevant
- Some people choose to disclose only when it directly affects a situation.
- Example: “I get overwhelmed in loud environments because of sensory sensitivity. If I step outside, it’s not because I’m upset, it’s just how I manage it.”
✔ Option 3: Don’t Disclose Unless It Feels Safe
- If someone hasn’t earned your trust, you don’t owe them personal information.
- You can still set boundaries and advocate for yourself without explaining why.
What to Expect When You Disclose (And How to Handle It)
✔ Positive Reactions:
- Some people will be curious, open-minded, and supportive.
- They might ask thoughtful questions or appreciate the insight into how you experience the world.
✔ Neutral or Confused Reactions:
- Some people might not know much about autism and need time to process.
- They may say things like “Oh, I didn’t know that about you” and leave it at that.
✔ Negative or Dismissive Reactions:
- Unfortunately, some people will respond with ignorance, discomfort, or outright ableism.
- If someone says something dismissive (“But you seem normal” or “Everyone’s a little autistic”), you don’t have to educate them.
- You can say “I don’t feel like explaining right now” and move on.
✔ People Who Change How They Treat You:
- Some might become overly accommodating, assuming you need help all the time.
- Others might start excluding you from things out of discomfort.
- If someone starts treating you differently in a way that doesn’t feel good, you can set boundaries or reconsider the relationship.
Disclosing autism is your choice, and there’s no right or wrong way to do it.
✔ If it brings you understanding, accommodations, and support, it might be worth it.
✔ If it puts you in a vulnerable or unsafe position, you are not obligated to share.
✔ If you’re unsure, you can wait and see how the relationship or situation develops before deciding.
No matter what, you deserve to be in spaces where you are accepted as you are.
As always… take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and know that you are not alone in this journey. ❤