Rejection hurts… but for some of us, it feels unbearable. A single offhand comment, unanswered text, or change in tone can send us spiraling into shame, self-doubt, or emotional shutdown.
If you feel like rejection (or even perceived rejection) hits you harder than it should, you might be dealing with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): an intense emotional response to real or imagined rejection.
For Black autistic people, RSD is complicated by cultural expectations and racial bias. We’re often told to be “strong,” “unbothered,” or “resilient”… but that doesn’t erase how deeply rejection wounds us.
So, how do we manage it? Let’s break it down.
What Makes RSD So Intense?
✔ Your Brain Processes Rejection Like Physical Pain
- Studies show that social rejection activates the same areas of the brain as physical injury.
- This means rejection isn’t “just in your head”… your body experiences it as real, overwhelming pain.
✔ We Learn Early That Rejection Has Bigger Consequences for Us
- Many Black autistic kids were raised in environments where we had to be twice as good to get half as much.
- When rejection comes from authority figures, job applications, or relationships, it doesn’t just feel bad… it reinforces real barriers we already face.
✔ RSD Isn’t Just About Rejection… It’s About the Fear of It
- The anxiety of potential rejection can make us avoid speaking up, asking for help, or trying new things or meeting new people.
- We might overthink every social interaction, replaying conversations in our heads and assuming we “messed up.”
How to Cope With RSD & Reframe Rejection
✔ Step 1: Recognize When It’s Happening
- Ask yourself: Did this person actually reject me, or am I assuming they did?
- Pay attention to physical reactions (heart racing, stomach dropping, shutting down) that signal RSD kicking in.
✔ Step 2: Name the Fear & Challenge It
- Instead of thinking, “They hate me” → Reframe it: “This might not be about me at all.”
- Ask yourself: “What’s another possible explanation?” People get busy, distracted, or forgetful. It’s not always as personal as it feels.
✔ Step 3: Develop Rejection Recovery Strategies
- If rejection sends you into a spiral, create a plan for how to regulate your emotions and bring yourself back to center.
- Grounding techniques: Focus on deep breathing, movement, or a sensory reset (like drinking cold water or squeezing a stress ball).
- Positive self-talk: Instead of “I’ll never be good enough,” try “One rejection doesn’t define me.”
✔ Step 4: Expose Yourself to “Safe” Rejection
- Avoiding rejection altogether keeps the fear alive. Instead, try small, low-stakes situations where rejection is possible but not harmful.
- Example: Ask for extra sauce at a restaurant. If they say no, it’s no big deal, and you build tolerance to that feeling.
✔ Step 5: Separate Your Worth from Other People’s Opinions
- Not everyone will like, understand, or appreciate you… and that’s okay.
- Rejection doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. It just means that opportunity, connection, or space wasn’t the right one for you.
Rejection will always hurt, but it doesn’t have to define you or control your choices. The more you understand RSD and practice coping strategies, the easier it becomes to bounce back, move forward, and remind yourself that you are still worthy… always.
As always… take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and know that you are not alone in this journey. ❤