If you’ve ever felt like you don’t fully belong anywhere, you’re not alone. Many Black autistic people struggle with the feeling of being “too much” or “not enough” in different spaces.
✔ In white spaces, you might feel too Black… having to code-switch, navigate microaggressions, and deal with stereotypes.
✔ In Black spaces, you might feel too autistic… struggling with social expectations, masking, and feeling misunderstood.
✔ Instead of belonging, you might feel like you’re always adjusting, explaining, or proving yourself in ways others don’t have to.
This isn’t just in your head. It’s the result of racism, ableism, and cultural expectations clashing in ways that make it hard to find community.
Let’s talk about why this happens and what you can do about it.
Why White Spaces Make You Feel “Too Black”
✔ You’re Expected to Code-Switch Constantly
- White spaces often have unspoken rules about what is “professional,” “acceptable,” or “normal.”
- If you naturally speak with AAVE, a different cadence, or expressive gestures, you might feel pressured to tone it down to be taken seriously.
- If you don’t code-switch, you risk being labeled as “uneducated,” “aggressive,” or “too much.”
✔ You Have to Navigate Both Racism and Ableism
- Many Black autistic people are misread as threatening or difficult just for existing.
- Your autistic traits, like direct speech, stimming, or struggling with eye contact, can be misinterpreted as defiance or disrespect.
- You might feel like you can’t afford to unmask because the consequences of being “different” are harsher for Black people.
✔ White Spaces Expect You to Fit Their Version of Autism
- Many white-dominated autism communities only recognize white, male, and childhood-presenting autism.
- If your autism doesn’t look like the stereotype, you might feel dismissed or ignored.
- White autistic spaces often lack cultural awareness, making it hard to connect with others.
Why Black Spaces Make You Feel “Too Autistic”
✔ Black Culture Has Strong Social Expectations
- Black communities often value charisma, social confidence, and emotional expression—things that can be difficult for autistic people.
- If you struggle with small talk, fast-paced conversations, or reading tone, you might be seen as standoffish or uninterested.
✔ Mental Health and Neurodivergence Are Still Taboo
- Many of us grew up hearing things like:
- “You don’t need therapy, you need Jesus.”
- “That’s just how they are, they don’t have autism.”
- “Stop making excuses, you just need discipline.”
- This can make it hard to talk about autism, mental health, and the need for accommodations.
✔ You’re Expected to Mask Even More
- If you were raised in a “respectability politics” household, you may have been taught that you have to work twice as hard and be twice as perfect to be accepted.
- Struggling with executive function, sensory issues, or social fatigue might be seen as laziness or a lack of ambition.
- Many Black autistic people end up masking both their autism and their struggles, leading to burnout.
How This Struggle Affects You
✔ You Feel Disconnected from Community
- You want connection, but it feels like you have to shrink yourself to fit in.
- In white spaces, you have to prove your Blackness isn’t a threat.
- In Black spaces, you have to prove your autism isn’t an excuse.
✔ You Learn to Adapt… But It’s Exhausting
- If you’ve spent your whole life code-switching, masking, and managing perceptions, it’s no surprise you feel drained.
- It might feel like you’re always performing and never just existing.
✔ You Question Your Identity
- If white autistic spaces don’t feel like home, and Black spaces don’t always understand autism, you might wonder where you actually fit.
- You might even start questioning:
- Am I Black enough?
- Am I autistic enough?
- Do I even belong anywhere?
The truth is, you do belong. The issue isn’t you. It’s that the spaces around you weren’t built with you in mind.
How to Navigate Feeling “Too Black” or “Too Autistic”
❤ Find or Create Spaces Where You Don’t Have to Choose
- The best spaces are where you don’t have to mask your autism or your Blackness.
- Online communities, support groups, and friendships with other Black autistic people can help you feel seen.
❤ Unmask in Small, Safe Ways
- If you can’t unmask fully, find small ways to be yourself.
- Maybe that means using AAVE in spaces where you feel safe, or stimming when you need to without shame.
❤ Challenge the Idea That You Have to Fit a Mold
- Blackness is not a monolith, and autism is not one-size-fits-all.
- You don’t have to change who you are to prove that you belong.
❤ Know That It’s Okay to Move Between Spaces
- You might never find one perfect space that meets all your needs, and that’s okay.
- Some spaces might work for certain things, while others don’t and you get to decide where and how you show up.
❤ Give Yourself Grace
- Feeling out of place doesn’t mean you don’t belong. It means the world hasn’t caught up with people like you yet.
- You are not broken. You are exactly as you are meant to be.
If you feel “too Black for white spaces, too autistic for Black spaces,” you are not alone. Your existence is valid, your experiences are real, and you don’t have to fit into anyone else’s expectations to be enough.
The world might not have been built for people like us but that doesn’t mean we don’t belong in it.
As always… take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and know that you are not alone in this journey. ❤